Private Hudson Joins the Alliance (Super Hudson Effect Adventure RPG)
by Hurgusburgus
Summary: Commander Shepard rescues the self-proclaimed Ultimate Badass. Yes. Rated M for language appropriate only for Hudson himself. Now with Chapter 4. Hold onto your Cheetos.
1. Well, That's A Switch

**Chapter One: Well, That's a switch.**

PFC Hudson was right. He really was gonna buy it on this rock. He was strapped to the wall by resin and spit, and his limbs felt about as powerful as a jellyfish. The thing that stuck him there made sure to stick its second mouth out at him as it left, like a perversion of the schoolyard bully that continually humiliated him during third grade. Hudson managed to hold on to his spent pulse rifle while the creatures dragged him through the vents, but he might as well have left it in the command center. It lay on the floor in front of him. He looked left to right, panicking, but didn't dare make a noise.

Fuck it, make noise.

"HEY MAN, FUCKING HELP ME! ANYONE THERE? VASQUEZ?"

Nothing came.

"GORMAN? HELL, BURKE?"

The sound of wet guts hitting the ground. A screech.

"Oh god, that must have been Burke. Or Dietrich. Shit, man..."

All around Hudson there were hissing and gurgling sounds, but so far that had been it. He wished he'd just die already. He was told the best way to die was a quick shot to the head, but while the creatures here did aim for the face, it wasn't what he had hoped for. And Hudson was feeling like such a badass just shortly before. He was annihilating what felt like hundreds of those things, firing pulse after pulse of caseless explosive tipped ammo while mouthing off like his childhood heroes from movies he was way, way too young to be seeing. Then the things went for his legs.

Suddenly, there was movement in the wall. Four flaps opened and one of those damn fingery creatures from hell crawled out. He closed his eyes, and braced for impact. In an attempt to calm himself, he tried to imagine the nice bar he was going to open with his pension money. This just made it worse, he wasn't going to start a goddamn bar with a hole in his chest. There was some loud banging nearby, but Hudson decided to keep his eyes shut. Whatever the hell it was it didn't matter. He was about to die. Didn't matter, about to die.

The banging just got louder. Was it gunfire? It didn't sound like the familiar "_BRR-DRR-DRR-DRRT_" of an M41A. Whatever it was, it was getting closer. Closer, closer closer… until it must have been right in front of him. Then, silence. A click. Footsteps.

"You alive?"

Hudson was slow to respond.

"You can open your eyes now."

With a mixture of confusion and embarrassment, he opened his eyes.

"Rip…" He started to say Ripley, but the woman in front of him wasn't Ripley at all. "The hell are you?"

"Commander. Commander Shepard. Now, you're not part of any military I know, but what's your rank, soldier?"

"Uh, Private First Class, ma'am," Hudson stammered. The Commander's uniform wasn't one he recognized at all. The red stripes, the insignias, all of it was alien to him. Her gun didn't even look like it took ammunition. Still, something about the way she presented herself made Hudson feel like he ought to be standing at attention.

"Need some help?" Shepard asked.

"Being crucified on this wall is fucking great, but I've had it, man! Is that thing still crawling around?"

"Take a look for yourself…" Shepard stood aside and pointed her rifle at the charred corpse of the facehugger, which was slowly sinking into the ground. "So, while I get you out of this…" She started tugging at the binds holding Hudson down, "What exactly are you doing out here?"

"We departed from Gateway Station, came to investigate this place when we lost contact with the colonists here, but when we first went in this hellhole here, my squad got wiped out." Hudson replied. His arms and torso were free now. He tried to peel the residue off his uniform, but it was stuck tight. This drew Shepard's eye to his uniform's patches.

"What's USCM? And for that matter, where's Gateway Station? I've never heard about a Gateway anywhere."

Hudson stared. "What do you mean you don't know Gateway? Every human being knows where Gateway is, man!"

"Well, I'm not even sure if you're even human, considering I have no idea where this planet is and none of the technology or anything I'm seeing here looks like it came from Earth." Shepard freed the PFC's legs and he stumbled a bit as his feet hit the floor for the first time in hours. Hudson was getting freaked out again, rapidly.

"I could say the same for you! And wha…" He had to process what he just heard again. "This…" he said, motioning towards his pulse rifle that lay on the ground next to him, "doesn't look like it came from _Earth_? We came straight from Earth!"

Shepard looked either concerned or irritated. This was a common phenomenon around Hudson. After a pause for thought, the Commander turned around and motioned for Hudson to follow. "All right, I don't know what's happened, but you should come with me. But be warned, you're gonna be answering a _lot_ of questions." She sighed. "And… watch the tone. We've got one of your personality on board already, I don't know if the crew could take another." Hudson took one look at the remains of the slimy cocoon he had been inside and realized that whoever these people were, he'd probably be safer with them. Plus, it sounded like they had a ship. With people. Maybe some chicks.


	2. Stop Your Grinnin' and Drop Your Linen

**Chapter Two: Stop Your Grinnin' and Drop Your Linen**

The Commander strode purposefully through the corridors of Sub Level 3, Hudson trailing obediently behind his new superior officer. He was bursting with questions, many of them being variants on "what the flying fuck," but only one seemed important enough to ask while still inside the hive.

"Are we secure in here?"

Shepard paused at a crossroads. She looked back at Hudson. "Dunno," she whispered. "Here, you'll want this…" Shepard carefully passed Hudson a silver and black pistol. "M-6 Carnifex. Six shots."

"Got any ammo?"

"You mean these?" Hudson caught a handful of unfamiliar looking tubes. He dropped one. "Careful with that! Those things can explode!" Shepard hissed. In a flash, the private lept back away from the cylinder. "Just kidding. You could drop that off a cliff and it'd be fine." Hudson was unamused.

"Look, man, you're havin' a lot of fun here, that's great, but we could be dead any second! This nest is still full of those..." Hudson reached for a better word, failed to find one, and gesticulated wildly to compensate. "Those things!"

"The spiders?"

"No! The things that stuck all those colonists to the wall so the smaller ones could get at 'em! The things that stuck _me_ to the wall!" Hudson didn't expect to have to do much explaining to his liberator, so the fact that she was almost oblivious to the threat all around them was frustrating to say the least. "We're in some shit right now, man!" Shepard wasn't particularly pleased with the private's attitude at the moment.

"I need you to calm down, and if we're _really_ in danger, tell me what-"

"_**SCREEEEEEEEEE...**_"

Both soldier's heads whipped in a different direction, looking for the source of the sound. They knew they were not alone. Hudson reached for his tracker, and switched it on. Right to the left of him, he had a reading. 12 clicks away, down the corridor. It was getting closer. Rapidly. He started backing up, one hand on the tracker and one hand aiming the pistol at the corner. Shepard quickly fell back to Hudson's right, rifle pointed ahead. Hudson read the tracker again. "It's right on us, fuck," Hudson whispered.

10 meters.

8.

5.

1 meter. Right around the corner… Slowly, a black form emerged, the elongated head turning to face them. It began to shudder, hissing, opening it's maw, until it finally lunged. Hudson was the first to open fire, the blast from the pistol removing a chunk from the abdomen, and the creature screamed as Shepard pummeled it with full-auto fire. It flew between the two of them, coming to rest on the ground behind the duo. As its blood ate through the floor, Shepard could finally get a good look at it. She crouched down to examine the corpse. It hardly looked organic to her. The tubing along the body, the double mouths, the lack of eyes, it seemed designed to terrify. Hudson just hoped he didn't have to look at one ever again. "I'll be fucked if that's all there is," he quipped. Shepard stood up.

"We should go."

"Fuckin' A."


	3. Why Don't We All Just Bug Out

**Chapter 3: Why Don't We All Just Bug Out And Call It Even, Okay?**

After a long, tense slog through what must have been thousands of meters of corridors and stairwells, they were free of the atmosphere processor. The team expected another attack at any moment, but after the long trek towards the exit, the creature that ambushed them was the only one to show itself. It was baffling to Hudson. "There were over a hundred of those bugs around, but we only see one?" he wondered aloud.

"How do you know how many there are?" asked Shepard.

"Simple. 157 colonists. 157 creatures."

She turned to face Hudson, and slung her rifle onto her back. "I don't exactly follow."

"Uh." Hudson paused, and recollected what he had learned about the alien's lifecycle. Handling something this heavy and crucial always made him want to run the hell away, hence his flippant personality. But he did try. Slowly, and with some stuttering, Hudson relayed what he had observed and heard from Ripley. He also found it necessary to explain the mission, Ripley's report, what they found at the colony, the Sarge's abduction, everything. After he was finished, he sat down, shaking slightly. It was hard shit. Shepard kneeled next to him, deep in thought.

"Those corpses, then, in the hive. They were incubators?" She shuddered. "Nasty creatures. You say your CO's are gone?"

Hudson buried his face in his hands. "Apone is dogmeat. The Lieutenant was with us, but we were locked in that room when I got taken away… I dunno if they made it out, man. Fuck, I shouldn't be alive."

"We could stage a search, if you think there's a chance."

"No, no we can't, 'cause…" Oh fuck. Hudson, you shithead. "_This place is gonna go nuclear!_" Hudson bolted upright. "_I fucking forgot! We shot up the cooling system!_" Shepard could only clench her eyes shut in disbelief. This guy was a wreck. She stood up, her forearm becoming surrounded by her omnitool.

"Cortez, we're coming out for extraction. Be warned, I just received a... belated notice that this place is in imminent danger of a catastrophic meltdown."

"_That's what the venting is! If that's true, you better get in here ASAP. Cortez out._"

Shepard swapped over to a different frequency. "Garrus, you still in there?"

"_I'm heading topside, I'll be there in a minute. Nabbed what Mordin wanted, too. It was a struggle, but I managed. Find any survivors, Shepard?_"

"Just one. He's been… interesting to talk to. But get up here fast."

"_Right._" Shepard terminated the connection, and her omnitool faded away. She turned back to Hudson, who was leaning against the wall, head down. Obviously he wasn't very proud of himself. Shepard sighed. She should probably talk to him some more.

"I don't think I got your name, Private."

"Hudson, ma'am," he murmured, without looking up.

Shepard paused, thinking. "Listen, Hudson, if you came from Earth, then… we can't have come from the same Earth."

"That's some shit right there. You tryin' to tell me you came from an alternate universe or something? Hell, I'll believe anything now." He looked off to the left, where they had come out of the Sub-Levels. He heard some clinking footsteps. It sounded like someone in heavy armor. "You hearing that? Is that the other guy you had down there?" The footsteps got closer. A figure rounded the corner, carrying a large box and a long rifle. Hudson got a glimpse of the face, and he had never seen anything like it. The face was a silvery grey, with spikes and angular, insect like protrusions. Shepard didn't seem surprised to see it though, so he probably shouldn't be too concerned. Maybe it spoke English. Hudson yelled. "_Yo! What the hell are you supposed to be!?"_

It said something, but what came out was unintelligible. The creature looked like it expected to be understood, however. Shepard intervened. "Here, you'll need one of these. Always keep an extra." She clipped something onto Hudson's ear. "Go again, Garrus."

"I'm a turian. Haven't you heard of a turian before?" the "turian" said. "And what are _you_ supposed to be? You looked like you walked right out of Vietnam."

Shepard answered the question, at least to the best of her ability. "He's part of a military. But it doesn't exist. It don't understand it myself." Wait, something was odd here. "Garrus, how do you know about Vietnam?"

"I know about it because that entire war is _hilarious._ You don't just try and… _explode_ an insurgency like that. But they tried! Oh, did they try." Garrus chuckled warmly. He looked down at the pulse rifle Hudson was still lugging. "Say, does that take actual cartridges? You really are like an old-time Earth soldier!"

"Great that you think my history is funny, man."

Shepard smiled. "Alright, Garrus, it's great that you get a kick out of the new guy, but unless we want to be blown to hell we better get back to the Normandy, fast." Hudson began to walk down the wide hallway towards the exit.

"Alright, looks like this drop is over for me. Hell, I'm glad. You got a dropship?"

"Shuttle. We call it a shuttle," clarified Garrus.

"Whatever, man."

note: edited to reduce usage of the word "it" towards garrus because jesus that got repetitive

chapter 4 is about half-written so hold on to your airsoft pulse rifles and japanese commander shepard figmas, we're on a wild ride


	4. I Feel Safer Already

**Chapter Four: I Feel Safer Already**

The ride up to the Normandy was strange for Hudson. The turbulence of the dropship wasn't present on the eezo-powered UT-47 shuttle, so the rocking he was used to couldn't distract him from what he was doing. On one hand, he was finally out. But Ripley, Vasquez, Hicks, they might still be out there. He couldn't really bring himself to abandon them, but there was no time to rescue them. That reactor could blow at any moment. The plan was to have Bishop radio the Sulaco and bring a second dropship down, so could Shepard's crew locate them by tracing that signal? He was unsure. Hudson glanced up and observed his strange new friends. The Commander was staring at the floor, probably deep in thought. The creature Shepard called 'Garrus' sat with his arms crossed. The expression he had was unreadable to someone not familiar with the species. The strange black box he came out holding back on LV-426 lay next to him. Hudson decided to give talking a try.

"Hey, Commander?" Hudson piped up.

"Yeah? How you doing, Hudson?" Shepard replied.

"I'm shaken the fuck up. Sure am glad we're leaving that hellhole, but I don't know what to think about leaving my buddies like that. We were a crew, you know?"

"I'm not sure what to tell you. We didn't receive any signals...I'm sorry you lost your squad." She sighed. "We're at war right now, soldier. We're all fearing that kind of loss. You'll be pretty well supported with the crew, I can guarantee you that at least."

Hudson's heart sank. No signals. They mustn't have made it. There was one last hope, though.

"Well… you've got some magical wizard shit laying around. Could you, I dunno…'scan for life' or whatever?"

Shepard hesitated. "We're in a bit of a tight spot here, I'm trying to avoid sending out any signals or signatures…you see, we might be in a trap."

"A trap? Who's trapping you in the middle of fly-through space? There's jack shit out here!" Hudson almost laughed. Then, Garrus spoke.

"There's a human terrorist cell called Cerberus. We were following one of their ships through a nebula to see where it was headed, then when we came out the other side, our vessel ended up here. Wherever here is. Lost the Cerberus ship, but we suspect they're still around, hiding."

There was a gentle knock on the hull from the cockpit.

"Almost to the Normandy!"

Shepard gained a smile. "Would you feel any better if you saw our ship?"

"She's beautiful. Especially the cannons. My doing, of course," added Garrus, proudly. Shepard motioned towards the front, where the shuttle pilot Cortez was seated. Hudson carefully stood up and shuffled towards the bow. Peering out the window, the frame was filled by a giant, long starship. It was nearly as long as the Sulaco, but much, much sleeker. The curves and the tapering towards the front reminded him of an expensive cruise ship, but the paint job and insignias made it clear: this was ship that belonged to a Navy. And that's a proper Navy, Navy with a capital N. Badass, Hudson thought.

"Now that is _smoking_! What outfit is she with?"

Shepard edged up behind Hudson. "Alliance Navy. Human owned, but we always end up shuffling other species around in there. Oh, and I can tell you'll like Joker." A couple minutes later, they landed in the shuttle bay. The metal doors of the UT-47 opened up, and Hudson tentatively took his first step onto the Normandy. He took a minute to look around the space. The gray shiny panelling was familiar to him coming off the Sulaco, so he felt right at home. Well, it wasn't _home_, but it wasn't going to be hard to get used to. The Commander and Garrus followed him shortly after. Shepard cracked her knuckles and stretched. She walked over to a station on the left of the bay, and leaned against a table. "Hey, James! Look at who we found down there!" Shep hollered at a heavyset soldier occupying the station. James Vega turned around, smiling.

"Who'd you pick up, Lola?" Vega leaned past Shepard and took one quick look at Hudson, and immediately had to stifle laughter. "Yo, Jarhead! What's up with you?"

"Who you calling 'Jarhead', uh… meatloaf?" Hudson refuted. At least, it was an attempt at a refutation. It only made Vega laugh openly instead of hiding it. "Man, I don't need this shit." Shepard turned around to wave Hudson over.

"C'mon, you boys play nice while I get out of this equipment and consult the crew a bit. I'll bring you up and introduce you right after that, Hudson."

James started cracking up even harder. "Yeah, Jarhead, we're gonna play nice, you know? Real mellow." Hudson felt deflated. He was the clown already. It even sounded like the Commander was already planning on setting him up with the other ship clown, the way she talked about this "Joker" guy. Might as well embrace it now. Hudson cleared his throat.

"Right, sure, mom."

Vega almost fell over.


End file.
